Infertility and marriage

Lately, infertility has gotten even tougher than before. Just when we think we are moving forward and things are starting to look up, our relationship seems to be looking down. This saddens me greatly, because I do love DH but at the same time, in the past years of not getting pregnant and being married, I have grown especially in my way of thinking and just many other ways. I can't even go into details of all the little things we've been disagreeing with lately because it would be too much. But I do have a fear. I have a fear of going through this whole procedure of getting pregnant and the IVF and in the end our family being split apart. I know that's DH's greatest fear too as he does not want another marriage under his belt (I'm his second).

I've just been very bitter and I'm not going to lie, very bitchy and maybe hormonal and who knows what else. I thought DH would understand me by now, after all we've been through. But instead we argue constantly, about why I'm a bitch, about why he is inconsiderate, etc...you get the picture. I've thought of taking a break and going somewhere but then that kind of would be like running away. The other option is just making up with DH, putting our differences aside and moving forward, but I feel in my heart that that is wrong too. That is will still come back to us in the future and we will not move forward. Counseling?? Unfortunately, I've been through countless therapists ( I have a rough past with my family almost disowning me for leaving with DH) and also through marriage counseling. Marriage counseling seemed to open us up and solve some things. But is this what you are supposed to do? Keep going back to counseling?

DH seems to think that I should go to IF counseling myself and I feel resentful because he doesn't feel the "need" to go himself. He just pushes me into it. Well, I just don't think that's the way it should be, he should go with me and maybe express his feelings and hear me out on mine. Because even though he hears me and all, he still gets upset when I lose hope. I don't know, all of the sudden this entry seems to be a lot of rambling, put I'm just upset and do not know how or when we will "fix" all of this. Our marriage, the infertility and everything else that comes along with it :(