I'm 7wk6 days today and since yesterday I've been passing clots. Bright red clots. They say it's from the subchroniotic hematoma but it does not stop.
It all started after the visit to the ob/gyn Thursday. He told me I should spot from the examination and also said that the hematoma should resolve itself by reabsorbing into the body or bleed out. I prayed I would not bleed out. After I got up from a small cat nap in the afternoon yesterday, Friday, I felt a small gush coming out. It was bright red blood. Of course I freaked out but I figured it would go away if it's just the hematoma bleeding and I had no cramping or any other bad signs. I continued bleeding until I started passing clots into this morning. I could not take not knowing how the baby was doing or when this would stop.
At the ER the baby was measuring almost 8 weeks and the heart was beating between 150 and 165bpm. My hcg levels were around 13,600 or so and I was told everything was measuring to date. I was given instructions to go home and not do anything and hopefully the bleed will stop. DH has officially put me on complete bedrest but I've still been bleeding changing underwear and all 4 times already. I'm truly scared and have prayed none stop for this baby to make it and for all this to go away. I ask for angels and guidance and I hold back tears in my eyes and pain in my heart not wanting to think about the biggest heartbreak of all. I keep trying to envision this baby, the little baby girl I have dreamt and the big belly I saw myself having. I'm hoping we can make it these next 7 months and meet each other and smile and cry together.
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Thursday, February 25, 2010
10.10.10 :)
Is the due date for our first baby! Yay! I didn't think we could make it to the doctors today because it started snowing like crazy here in Jersey and he was 45 minutes away, but thankfully, the doctor still opened the practice and after a long 1 hour wait we entered the room.
The appointment then proceeded as follows. We were asked a couple of questions of our family's backgrounds, whether I was on meds and when my last pap smear was and then that was it. He examined my breasts (which hurt like never before! and I thought they weren't sore, boy was I wrong). Then he proceeded to do my pap smear :/ A woman's lovely annual that I was due for anyways and he checked my uterus which also kinda hurt as he pressed down. So lastly, came the absolutely fun part which was the ultrasound. As soon as he went in and then in that old ultrasound machine screen (yes, it was that old), a beautiful little blob materialized until he got a little closer and there it was. This baby, its heart beating and all and so I was in love. I've never wanted this more in my life than any other and I was completely estatic. There was a little head and a little body and little buds that I could make up and the beautiful little heart beating away.
Unfortunately, we don't know how many bpm it was. Honestly, I didn't think to ask, I was so mesmerized. He said all looked great until DH asked if he saw anything else on the ultrasound and then BAM! Nothing is perfect. He said I have what's called a "subchorionic hematoma", nothing big and only a teaspoon of blood, but they are known to cause miscarriage *stab* If you look at my ultrasound, below the baby's sac there is a dark spot, not really too big, but you can see it and that's the hematoma. I wasn't supposed to google this according to dr's orders and DH but I couldn't help myself and did *Grrr* There are success stories and thankfully I haven't bled. I'm hoping the hematoma will just reabsorb itself. Meanwhile, I have orders to take it easy and rest a lot in the next 2 weeks or so which I have been doing. I guess aside from that everything is well, again *stab*. I'm still very happy for our little baby and I guess all I continue doing is praying that this will all just go away on it's own and that all will be ok. It's hard to ask for everything to be perfect of course but this was our little "miracle baby" and as our miracle baby I won't stop believing that he or she can get through anything in this pregnancy and beyond, where will await...
The appointment then proceeded as follows. We were asked a couple of questions of our family's backgrounds, whether I was on meds and when my last pap smear was and then that was it. He examined my breasts (which hurt like never before! and I thought they weren't sore, boy was I wrong). Then he proceeded to do my pap smear :/ A woman's lovely annual that I was due for anyways and he checked my uterus which also kinda hurt as he pressed down. So lastly, came the absolutely fun part which was the ultrasound. As soon as he went in and then in that old ultrasound machine screen (yes, it was that old), a beautiful little blob materialized until he got a little closer and there it was. This baby, its heart beating and all and so I was in love. I've never wanted this more in my life than any other and I was completely estatic. There was a little head and a little body and little buds that I could make up and the beautiful little heart beating away.
Unfortunately, we don't know how many bpm it was. Honestly, I didn't think to ask, I was so mesmerized. He said all looked great until DH asked if he saw anything else on the ultrasound and then BAM! Nothing is perfect. He said I have what's called a "subchorionic hematoma", nothing big and only a teaspoon of blood, but they are known to cause miscarriage *stab* If you look at my ultrasound, below the baby's sac there is a dark spot, not really too big, but you can see it and that's the hematoma. I wasn't supposed to google this according to dr's orders and DH but I couldn't help myself and did *Grrr* There are success stories and thankfully I haven't bled. I'm hoping the hematoma will just reabsorb itself. Meanwhile, I have orders to take it easy and rest a lot in the next 2 weeks or so which I have been doing. I guess aside from that everything is well, again *stab*. I'm still very happy for our little baby and I guess all I continue doing is praying that this will all just go away on it's own and that all will be ok. It's hard to ask for everything to be perfect of course but this was our little "miracle baby" and as our miracle baby I won't stop believing that he or she can get through anything in this pregnancy and beyond, where will await...
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
The belly book
I received it yesterday and I'm excited to write in it. However, I haven't touched it. Only read things here and there. My appointment is this Thursday which has eased up my nervousness but at the same time I can't help but be scared. DH doesn't like to hear it and wants me to only be positive and I guess I understand, but at the same time I can't help but to be worried and prepare for the worst :(
I wish it didn't have to be like that but having been through this whole infertility, loss journey one can't help but to have these fears. I hope that we can see the little one, it's' heartbeat strong and healthy and that he/she is measuring where we should be, which should be approximately 8 weeks. I've been watching ultrasound videos on youtube lately, just curious on what to expect and I just dream away of what it would be like to see my baby moving around in me.
My symptoms at this point are pretty mild which I guess is why I'm so pessimistic at times and scared. Breasts are hardly if any sore. I really don't have any nausea, although I do have an appetite during the day. I have a strong sense of smell . I have mostly been tired and I notice it's hard to get through the day without having a small cat nap and even when I do I still feel like my eyes are closing on me around 8pm. However, when I do get to my bed I have the hardest time falling asleep! I don't know if it's because of all my thoughts going round my head like a worrywart. Not sure. Or if I've just grown tired of my bed!
Talking about beds, DH and I bought a new king sized bed. We had a queen and were inching for a little more space and well if I want to be optimistic, technically I will need even more space a couple of months from now :) I sure hope so and I sure hope that I can soon start filling my belly book and be excited about the little one growing inside my belly :)
I wish it didn't have to be like that but having been through this whole infertility, loss journey one can't help but to have these fears. I hope that we can see the little one, it's' heartbeat strong and healthy and that he/she is measuring where we should be, which should be approximately 8 weeks. I've been watching ultrasound videos on youtube lately, just curious on what to expect and I just dream away of what it would be like to see my baby moving around in me.
My symptoms at this point are pretty mild which I guess is why I'm so pessimistic at times and scared. Breasts are hardly if any sore. I really don't have any nausea, although I do have an appetite during the day. I have a strong sense of smell . I have mostly been tired and I notice it's hard to get through the day without having a small cat nap and even when I do I still feel like my eyes are closing on me around 8pm. However, when I do get to my bed I have the hardest time falling asleep! I don't know if it's because of all my thoughts going round my head like a worrywart. Not sure. Or if I've just grown tired of my bed!
Talking about beds, DH and I bought a new king sized bed. We had a queen and were inching for a little more space and well if I want to be optimistic, technically I will need even more space a couple of months from now :) I sure hope so and I sure hope that I can soon start filling my belly book and be excited about the little one growing inside my belly :)
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Our little tadpole/baby?
It's been a lot of fun getting to see what the baby looks like in terms of development these past days. It's somewhat helping me get through to our appointment next week. I know it's next week, but to me it still feels ages away! I'm feeling pretty ok. I took a test Monday (again!) and of course it was positive. I guess it's hard to believe one is pregnant without the bump right? 
I wish I could enjoy my pregnancy much more, but unfortunately, like many of you out there, it's hard when you've experienced loss in the past and also it's taken so long to get pregnant. Everything is almost out of a dream. I'm not extremely religious but I do pray every night, and you guessed it, I pray for this baby to be strong and healthy and to get to meet him/her later this year. To get to hug, kiss, cry everything with this baby.
The good thing is since I'm currently not working I get to pretty much rest a lot (which is not bad, because half of the time I feel like I was run over by a truck lol) In terms of symptoms, I've been a little nauseous (not vomiting though) especially in the mornings and at night. It mostly goes away if I eat something except at night. At night, it's mostly heartburn and just a nasty feeling. My boobs are no longer that sore, I hope that's not a bad thing. Cramps I rarely get, only here and there and they are right when they say that water helps. I realize that when I get them I just might need to drink water. I've been having food aversions for the past couple of days. Mostly meats and chicken and turkey and anything meat, sounds pretty gross to me now :( DH was craving an Argentinian style steak so even though I wasn't in the mood we went on Monday and boy was that a mistake. I ate some but I wish in the end I would have ordered some pasta. So yeah, my diet pretty much is consisting of carbs lately. Pasta, bread, potato, carbs and more carbs. I can't help it. I do try to eat vegetables here and there even though I'm not a big fan. Mostly broccoli, carrots, tomato and also fruits, mostly cantaloupe, apples and sometimes oranges.
Well, that's a jist of what's been going on. As you can see nothing much lol, but I'm happy. Happy to hopefully be a mommy soon. One more week! I'll be a nervous wreck till the ultrasound. Wish me luck!
I wish I could enjoy my pregnancy much more, but unfortunately, like many of you out there, it's hard when you've experienced loss in the past and also it's taken so long to get pregnant. Everything is almost out of a dream. I'm not extremely religious but I do pray every night, and you guessed it, I pray for this baby to be strong and healthy and to get to meet him/her later this year. To get to hug, kiss, cry everything with this baby.
The good thing is since I'm currently not working I get to pretty much rest a lot (which is not bad, because half of the time I feel like I was run over by a truck lol) In terms of symptoms, I've been a little nauseous (not vomiting though) especially in the mornings and at night. It mostly goes away if I eat something except at night. At night, it's mostly heartburn and just a nasty feeling. My boobs are no longer that sore, I hope that's not a bad thing. Cramps I rarely get, only here and there and they are right when they say that water helps. I realize that when I get them I just might need to drink water. I've been having food aversions for the past couple of days. Mostly meats and chicken and turkey and anything meat, sounds pretty gross to me now :( DH was craving an Argentinian style steak so even though I wasn't in the mood we went on Monday and boy was that a mistake. I ate some but I wish in the end I would have ordered some pasta. So yeah, my diet pretty much is consisting of carbs lately. Pasta, bread, potato, carbs and more carbs. I can't help it. I do try to eat vegetables here and there even though I'm not a big fan. Mostly broccoli, carrots, tomato and also fruits, mostly cantaloupe, apples and sometimes oranges.
Well, that's a jist of what's been going on. As you can see nothing much lol, but I'm happy. Happy to hopefully be a mommy soon. One more week! I'll be a nervous wreck till the ultrasound. Wish me luck!
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Ha ha ha
Source: baby-gaga.com
I hate to admit it, but this is still me. I'm going to go crazy before the first prenatal appointment on the 25th :(
Monday, February 8, 2010
Hunger pain..
I officially think that I might blow up into a balloon any time now. My belly is sticking out, but of course it's not because of the pregnancy (ok, partially is bloat) but also because I've been stuffing my mouth 24/7 to satisfy the unsatisfied hunger of mine. All I can think of is bread, pasta, apple strudels and anything that would remotely resembles my grandma's Sunday cooking.
For instance, last week, in my hunger driven state I set out to make myself gnocchi.
Homemade gnocchi, just like grandma and just like my mom would make it. As I was mixing everything together I started thinking that I might break down and cry and throw everything across the kitchen if these gnocchi did not resemble in taste what I remember.
Thankfully for DH and I they did. It's as if I have all of the sudden become a better cook! It's pretty amazing (not that I ever was a bad cook, but my cooking skills could always use a few pointers here and there).
Now, only if I could find the damn energy to continue cooking and making myself these delicious meals. Of course, in a way, it's probably best. I'm not contributing in a good way to DH's waist line (or mine). But all I can do, is dream and think of all these foods that I want to eat and don't know how in the world I will continue to control this insatiable hunger.
The final product "Gnocchi w/ marinara sauce and chicken" (excuse the presentation, I didn't have time to make it look beautiful as I just needed to stuff my mouth as quickly as possible :)
For instance, last week, in my hunger driven state I set out to make myself gnocchi.
Homemade gnocchi, just like grandma and just like my mom would make it. As I was mixing everything together I started thinking that I might break down and cry and throw everything across the kitchen if these gnocchi did not resemble in taste what I remember. 
Thankfully for DH and I they did. It's as if I have all of the sudden become a better cook! It's pretty amazing (not that I ever was a bad cook, but my cooking skills could always use a few pointers here and there).
Now, only if I could find the damn energy to continue cooking and making myself these delicious meals. Of course, in a way, it's probably best. I'm not contributing in a good way to DH's waist line (or mine). But all I can do, is dream and think of all these foods that I want to eat and don't know how in the world I will continue to control this insatiable hunger.
The final product "Gnocchi w/ marinara sauce and chicken" (excuse the presentation, I didn't have time to make it look beautiful as I just needed to stuff my mouth as quickly as possible :)
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Feeling pretty great
I have to say, it's hard to feel pregnant when you don't have a belly, you haven't seen your little being in an ultrasound, heard his/her heartbeat and symptoms are at a minimum. I've just been sleeping like a baby if that counts lol However, at night I'm suffering from worrying myself to sleep. I can't help it. I'm a worry wart! And I'm embarrassed to say that up to today I took another HPT *embarrassed*** I was pretty happy and relieved that the control line was lighter than the other line, which means that the HCG in my system must be pretty up there now! (or so I hope) But I promise, I've officially put the HPT's down because I ran out of them lol
Yesterday I thought I saw some "tan" streaked cm but to be honest I don't even know. Just in case I put myself on bed rest for the rest of the night. But really aside from a couple of small twinges/little cramps here and there everything seems to be going ok. However, Feb. 25th could not come any sooner! We want to see the little one in there (well, I dont know how much you see at 8 weeks but I've been told they see the heartbeat). So can't wait!
On another note, my dog who is a cutie (sometimes she drives me nutty) has been acting completely overprotective, almost as if she found out I was pregnant at the same time I did. She has been oober affectionate and constantly laying by my side. It's very unlike her, I have to say she is usually quite the anti-social kind, even with us! haha So it's definitely grabbed our attention. DH noticed it too so it's not just me.
Another little person in our life who's been acting different is my stepson. He is so cute. But last week he could just not get away from me. Whether he tried to follow me into the bathroom asking me "what are you doing" (although I'm pretty sure he has a good idea at age of 5, but we'll give him the benefit of doubt lol) to just wanting to sit by me. You see this is strange because usually his is super attached to his dad and this time it has been the other way around.
Another cute thing is that his face reaches up to my tummy at this point. And three times the whole weekend he grabbed me and hugged me and laid his head on my tummy. If you could see it, you would just melt. I know I did LOL and DH was completely wide-eyed. Of course we will not be telling him anything until maybe I start showing and all is well. Plus, we need to figure out a way to not make it such a big shock (his mom is expecting too, due in July). So the poor little one has his plate full I would say this year :) Can't wait until we are a big happy family! :) :) :)
Yesterday I thought I saw some "tan" streaked cm but to be honest I don't even know. Just in case I put myself on bed rest for the rest of the night. But really aside from a couple of small twinges/little cramps here and there everything seems to be going ok. However, Feb. 25th could not come any sooner! We want to see the little one in there (well, I dont know how much you see at 8 weeks but I've been told they see the heartbeat). So can't wait!
On another note, my dog who is a cutie (sometimes she drives me nutty) has been acting completely overprotective, almost as if she found out I was pregnant at the same time I did. She has been oober affectionate and constantly laying by my side. It's very unlike her, I have to say she is usually quite the anti-social kind, even with us! haha So it's definitely grabbed our attention. DH noticed it too so it's not just me. Another little person in our life who's been acting different is my stepson. He is so cute. But last week he could just not get away from me. Whether he tried to follow me into the bathroom asking me "what are you doing" (although I'm pretty sure he has a good idea at age of 5, but we'll give him the benefit of doubt lol) to just wanting to sit by me. You see this is strange because usually his is super attached to his dad and this time it has been the other way around.
Another cute thing is that his face reaches up to my tummy at this point. And three times the whole weekend he grabbed me and hugged me and laid his head on my tummy. If you could see it, you would just melt. I know I did LOL and DH was completely wide-eyed. Of course we will not be telling him anything until maybe I start showing and all is well. Plus, we need to figure out a way to not make it such a big shock (his mom is expecting too, due in July). So the poor little one has his plate full I would say this year :) Can't wait until we are a big happy family! :) :) :)
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
A little update!
I got my second beta results back on Friday and it was at 114 from a 46 :) So I'm happy about that, although again the nurse was like, oh..it's a little on the lower end but the good thing is that it's doubling and it's probably just very early. I'm like..yeaaaa..Can you stop freaking me out? :( Anyways, I've been taking it easy for the past few days especially since I get some cramping on and off, but overall I'm doing pretty good.
In terms of symptoms, I would say I'm constantly tired and wanting to take a nap (like all day!) and I can't stay up past 10 if anything. I'm also hungry all the time, but I just don't know what to eat, as in I think I want something and when I have it it tastes kind of gross lol Nausea has been on and off but thankfully no vomiting. DH would prefer to see me vomiting to ease his mind that I am pregnant, but it hasn't quite happened (only once which isnt enough). It's not that DH wants to see me sick, but I guess he just want to see me pregnant and at this stage that's the only way. He's just as scared as I am and unfortunately we are both a mess waiting to our first appointment.
Talking about first appointments, we just saw over the weekend "THE BUSINESS OF BEING BORN". Well, let me tell you, I don't know what to do! I mean, I never really thought that far ahead I guess in terms of birthing a child. For the past years the focus has been to get pregnant! It's an interesting movie and just makes me think of the options out there. I thought I was happy with my doctor but I'm not too sure which kind of sucks :/
I'm still a little confused if I'm on week 4 or 5, but it's ok, I really don't care as long as I'm pregnant :) Just praying every day that this little one hangs on and grow strong and healthy!
In terms of symptoms, I would say I'm constantly tired and wanting to take a nap (like all day!) and I can't stay up past 10 if anything. I'm also hungry all the time, but I just don't know what to eat, as in I think I want something and when I have it it tastes kind of gross lol Nausea has been on and off but thankfully no vomiting. DH would prefer to see me vomiting to ease his mind that I am pregnant, but it hasn't quite happened (only once which isnt enough). It's not that DH wants to see me sick, but I guess he just want to see me pregnant and at this stage that's the only way. He's just as scared as I am and unfortunately we are both a mess waiting to our first appointment.
Talking about first appointments, we just saw over the weekend "THE BUSINESS OF BEING BORN". Well, let me tell you, I don't know what to do! I mean, I never really thought that far ahead I guess in terms of birthing a child. For the past years the focus has been to get pregnant! It's an interesting movie and just makes me think of the options out there. I thought I was happy with my doctor but I'm not too sure which kind of sucks :/
I'm still a little confused if I'm on week 4 or 5, but it's ok, I really don't care as long as I'm pregnant :) Just praying every day that this little one hangs on and grow strong and healthy!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
