AF late, and cruel BFN :( It's hard, you start to wonder if it will ever happen. I'm so drained, emotionally..

IUI tomorrow 11/14

Well, I have my IUI scheduled. Bad news is that my lining is only at 5mm. That cant be a good thing right? Ughh..we tried 100mg of Clomid this time and I have one 20mm follie on my right ovary. I guess my ovaries responded (and fast, did not expect this!) but my lining did not. So this is most def. my last cycle of Clomid. We'll see..I mean what are the chances that I'll get pregnant this cycle.

Let's see:

1. It's my birthday month, of course it would be too cool if I actually got my BFP then which is why I probably wont get it.

2. I'm going to Italy next month, so of course I'm going to have to hold off until January to even try something new because in Italy Im sure no BD as we are at family's house and DSS is going to be sleeping with us! So of course it'll be a long break that I will dread.

3. I'm planning on going back to work. I'm tired of being home, bored to death and my true potential is going to waste, so I'm going to see if DH can get me an interview with one of his contacts and I can start doing something. I dont look forward to my commute to NYC, which is where I would probably be a lot, but on the other hand I absolutely love NYC, so we'll see!

Hope to be back on here soon to share some stories!

Back on for an explanation..

So..I've been MIA this cycle and there is a clear reason for that. I was diagnosed with PCOS, had an annovulatory cycle and had to resort to Provera to bring about AF which I'm still expecting (slight spotting but nothing yet). It's been a very emotional cycle for me and for DH as well. From finding out I have PCOS to not ovulating and just painfully waiting to start a new cycle who knows when.

But, I guess a lot of things now make sense to me. I've been fighting severe acne for a long time now, hair in my body where I do not want it (Im totally obsessed with waxing and my epilator, don't know what I would do without them!) and of course, the not getting pregnant for such a long time except my one little angel that went to heaven too soon.

So of course there is hope for me. I will continue my medications. Try to do an IUI (which was cancelled this past cycle due to no ovulation) and keep on praying and hoping for a beautiful BFP and baby sometime soon.

I just need to figure out a way to fight of this depression that overcomes me. I'm going to try to start exercising again (unfortunately after my appendectomy in July I never got back to it) and hope that I just can keep myself healthy, busy and in shape. I'm hoping to love my husband even more and hope that I can snap out of it pretty soon so that I don't have to see his worried and sad eyes.

I guess it must be hard to see your loved one just burst out into tears out of nowhere, especially when you know where its coming from and its not just some craze breakdown. I'm sorry honey...wish you read this even though I know you don't. Maybe some day we can start reading beautiful entries, like when I get another BFP and this time I get to keep this baby that was always meant to be ours. Until then, I've decided to close shop. I can't write sad stories anymore..I admire all you women out there who can write through your pain. I hope to be back here sooner than later. Because that will mean we will all be in a better place :)