Life & holding on to it

Lately I've been obsessed with getting my husband to lose weight and eat healthier as I've been doing so for myself. You see he has high cholesterol and although it's been getting better over the years it's still up there. After my most recent loss, I've been thinking a lot and been scared of losing him. Life is so fragile, from the minute it starts to the time it ends, every little minute can be borrowed. I want him to make the most of this life and be able to at least prevent some things that could cause his to end.

So, we argue a lot some times. I get upset that he doesn't want to try harder or exercise more often. It's a challenge to stay on top of him telling him he shouldn't be eating that and I just don't want to do that. I want him to do it and I just don't understand how he cannot see for himself to do all the things that I need him to do. To stay here with me for a long time and hopefully our children can have a father who is also here for them God willing in many years to come.

So, yeah, the days are still tough. I think a lot about life and death and it's really bothering me lately. I've been able to more forward somewhat but not really. I think I try so hard on the outside but on the inside I still hurt deeply. I'm trying to find things to do but some days it's just hard.

Good thing is that we are leaving to London on Friday (he has work to do). I will be doing some sightseeing as it is my first time there so it should be a nice distraction. After we will be taking 3 days to Paris and I hope I can just really enjoy myself and stop thinking so much about the what ifs of life and stop hurting deep inside.