10 wks: still hanging in there!

Every week is a big milestone, for us and our baby. We hope to continue to reach them week by week until I'm 40 weeks. It will be the most wonderful thing ever. We went to the midwife appointment yesterday, I think I had mentioned how much dh and I disliked my ob/gyn. Totally unsympathetic bastard. With all his awards and smug attitude and brushing me off like I didn't know what I was talking about. I don't deny that I didn't know what I was talking about, but I figured that's why he was the doctor. To be able to educate me and make me feel a little more at ease, even if that meant bad news. Instead when I asked where the bleeding was coming from or where the clots that looked like tissue came from, he chuckled and told me, the hematoma, where else?

I can somewhat understand why people might be weary of midwives. They're used to being part of this system where the doctors make the decisions for us, because the doctor "knows best", correct? Well fellow ivfers and IF strugglers, you know that this is not always true. And even if you have never gone through infertility struggles, I'm sure you have come across other doctors who thought something was best for you, when it really wasn't. I've heard numerous stories, many even published of medical errors, etc. It is not to say that you should question everything your doctor tells you. But I believe a great doctor is one that will allow you to ask as many questions as possible and will not hesitate to educate you and give you answers. Another great doctor is one that will not take to offense if you want a second opinion but as a matter of fact will welcome it.

So now on to the reason of why I liked the midwife practice. I waited 15 minutes before being called in by a welcoming woman. Someone who most likely seemed to know what I was going to, at least to a certain extent. Many questions were asked, about our medical background, especially mine and about any possible genetic factors. This was about thirty minutes which ended with all our questions towards the midwife. Amazingly the midwife that I had seen had gone through a similar experience with her second child, which put her on bedrest for many weeks. Later we were taken into the examination room, where I was informed I had a retroverted uterus (didn't even know that). They tried to find the heartbeat with the doppler and couldn't. I was probably to early and with a retroverted uterus it's even a more impossible task. Of course I almost was in the verge of tears, I needed to know that the baby was ok and the midwife could sense that. She told me they would do an abdominal ultrasound for me (no more transvaginal, they don't want to take a chance of disturbing the SCH and make me bleed again). So they did and after a couple of minutes, there was baby. I saw a little kicking and the flickering of a heartbeat. It's amazing how much they grow in a week.

I was thankful that they accommodated me and dh to ease our fears and I just wish that that's what our ob would have been more sensitive to. But no, they are not trained for that. Obs are trained mostly in surgery. They're surgeons that perform c-sections when the need should arise. I respect that, because it for medical necessity I would need one, I of course would not deny it and would be thankful to have someone who knows what they are doing. But in the event that I do not, I feel comfortable having someone by my side who will try to make this a beautiful experience for us.

I want to enjoy this pregnancy, I really do. I hope things resolve and if they don't that I have the faith and will power to move forward and hope that everything is for the best. I will do everything possible to make it to my 40 weeks mark and hope that I have great medical care and the support I need.