Namely called family. The one who takes the prize on this one is my cousin. The day after I lose our baby she sends me her condolences and what not. And soon after, specifically the day after she is announcing all over the place that her sister (my other cousin) is PREGNANT. Can you say WOW and WTF? I know I'm not overreacting here. I put it this way...Let's say she is planning a wedding and excited to marry her fiance, then one day, he's gone, he leaves, he dies, whatever the case may be. I say I'm so sorry honey that you are going through this. The next day I go prancing around excited that who..., my sister just got engaged!! How freaking awesome.
I think people view a pregnancy lost very lightly at times, namely the people who have not been through one. They probably think the following. It was the best for you and the baby, the baby wasn't meant to be, etc. And I do understand some of that. But I think people forget that my husband and I had our hopes and dreams on this baby. On what the baby or our "gummy bear" would look like. What kind of personality would this baby have? Would the baby be just like his half brother who is also a Libra? Would his half brother love him/her? What would we do when the baby arrived and how would we feel? All those dreams lost in a minute. We saw little gummy bear and a strong strong heart beat and then one day, little gummy bear's heart stopped beating and I was holding a dead little gummy bear in my belly.
This is why I think that people just don't understand, maybe they just don't know and I guess I could forgive to some extent, but somehow not forget. I do not wish this upon anyone. But what I do wish is that we were more understood and people, including and especially my family would be more sensitive.
Friday, March 19, 2010
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2 comments:
Hi, I just found your blog following one of your comments from another blog (Life and Love). I am sorry for your loss and wish you all the best in the future!
I also had a miscarriage and also two pregnancies with a happy ending. I saw on one of your earlier entries, that you had an thyroid issue and I just wanted to leave the comment, that for me that was an issue, too.
Both the long time for coneceiving and the miscarriage was correlated with badly managed thyroid issues. After adjusting my TSH levels very closely to a range between 0,5 and 1 (what is it... unit per ml ?) everything seemed to resolve itself. Could have been by chance, but also might have been the one important issue overlooked for a long time.
Best wishes!
m so sorry about your loss. Unfortunately, the comments never seem to get better. After being through this 4 times I hear the worst things and it always amazes me. The worst is when they say "at least you know you can get pregnant." Oh yea that makes it o much better. I would rather not get pregnant then to get pregnant and lose it. It is the worst experience and I would not wish it on my worst enemies.
I have learned that when people say these horrible things most of the time they do not even realize it or they have no idea what to say to make you feel better so they ay something stupid. I now, especially if it is someone I know and care about, tell them when they have said something hurtful and stupid. If it is a casual acquaintence then I blow them off, and maybe have a cry about it later. When I do say something they usually act shocked and apologize because they did not know. I am not a person that can hide how I feel and I really think people are very uneducated about pregnancy loss and infertility so I try to educate people. Sometimes people get IT and other there are no hope for...
Anyway, I am so sorry and if you need to talk or omeone to listen I am here.
Many hugs to you!!!
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