10 DPO, BFN :(

Geez...I guess this cycle is a bust. I mean I could hold on to hope and think that maybe I'm truly 9DPO like I've done in the past, but what's the point of that? Continue getting my hopes up. It's so sad, when I POAS I was really hopeful and positive that my test would have at least a faint positive line and that the digi would definitely say "Pregnant", but it wasn't so. It feel as though my heart was made of glass and something shattered it into tiny, tiny little pieces. And all those pieces are make their way painfully through every little inch of my body, burrowing deep in my skin, hurting more and more as time passes by. I'm truly sad and sometimes I wish I could just bury my head deep into a pillow, hide under the covers and never come out again :(

Trigger, gone at 4DPO?

Well, I tested today with the same $ tests to see if the positive would show and there doesn't seem to be anything there. I mean, I think I see something slightly, but maybe it's my imagination. Just like the many other times I thought I saw "something". But it's ok, I'm actually happy that nothing is there, because hopefully when I do test in a couple of days I see "something" for sure again :) Oh....I'm so hopeful, I just don't want to get crushed like every other month. Please God! Let this be my month..

BFP! But not a REAL BFP ;)

I took a HPT to see what would come up and how dark the line will be. I used a $ Store test because if I'm going to test the trigger out or become obsessive about testing, they are obviously not expensive :) Plus, I wanted to see what a positive looked like on these tests. DH was always telling me that since they are from the dollar store they are defective lol. But, so far they've been absolutely right with my non-pregnant cycles. Never got an evap line on them. And this is not bad for a BFP, so hopefully in a week and half or so I get a REAL BFP :)

Triggered this morning and pos. OPK

So, this is what a positive looks like on these tests! So, I guess the good news is that I finally got my HCG shot this morning at 10am. The bad news is that we have not bd for the past 5 days! I don't know how we let it go for so long but now I'm worried that DH's little swimmers will not be "optimal" to meet the lady friend. Ugh! Talk about stressing over every little detail. So now I'm getting to be a little pessimistic again. I wish someone could guarantee that everything would work out, but I guess I should've known that making a little human being is not as easy as everyone else makes it seem!

Clearly negative..

I took an OPK even though I have my ultrasound tomorrow. I have been having a terrible backache for the most part of my day and very strong pains on my left side and some minor ones on my right. It's a surprise to me because according to the RE my left side follies didn't look like they would mature at all, maybe they are just growing and just won't make it? In any case, I have my ultrasound tomorrow morning. We'll see what happens but truly I hope we've gotten somewhere because this wait is pretty crazy! :-

Follies not what I expected :(

Got my second ultrasound today. The follies on my left side basically stopped growing. They are not of a significant size to mature. I have to follies on my right ovary, one that is currently at 16mm and the other at 13. So, this sucks.. In the end I might end up have only one egg release, not two and not one on each side either like I had at least hoped. I know I should be thankful that at least I'm hopefully releasing at least one egg but I just wanted to up my chances and that's unlikely now :( I have another appointment Wednesday but whatever..we'll see.

My ultrasound today, CD 11

So, I had my ultrasound today to check the follies. There was 2 follies in my right one at 8mm and the other at 10mm, and one on my left ovary at 8mm. My lining was at 4.6. I have my appointment on Monday to check the progress.

I unfortunately left a little upset from the RE's office. I thought that they would be bigger and I guess I'm just afraid in the end I will only end up releasing one. Just like every other cycle which I know is great for many women but obviously that hasn't done much for me and even with timed intercourse the chances are still pretty slim in my opinion. Ugh...Well, I guess all I can do is wait and see :(